What is Your Primary Love Language?

Last night I finished reading the book, "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. It is so insightful. It is all about how to express heartfelt love and commitment to your spouse. He talks about how each person feels love best in a specific way. Just as there are many verbal languages, there are also ways in which we communicate love. We can feel like we are always doing things to show love for our spouse and maybe they are still saying, "I feel like we are growing apart". This is probably because we are not speaking their language. We are saying I love you in Japanese when their language is German (bad example, but you get the idea anyway). He compares our need for love and intimacy to a tank. In order feel secure in the love of our mates, we need to have our tanks full. When spouses speak different love languages, their tanks can soon can soon become neglected and depleted, and they start to drift apart. The good part is that, like a verbal language, love languages can be learned. In the book, he covers the 5 major love languages that people speak, and some "dialects" (small differences within the same love languages) of each type. There is quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. At the end of the book, he includes a self-evaluation to determine what your main love language is and some of your secondary languages. I was surprised to find that my primary love language (by quite a bit) is physical touch. I guess I never thought about it because Spencer is pretty good at providing me with that, so I never feel like my tank is empty in that regard. My secondary love languages are quality time, and acts of service. These I knew, because I'm always asking for these things from Spencer. Spencer also has a secondary love language of quality time, but we speak different dialects. He prefers quality activities together... those really show love to him, and I LOVE quality conversation. I would be perfectly content to sit on the couch and hold his hands, look into his eyes and talk with him all night. That would show love to me. Anyway, the most surprising thing I learned from this book is that Spencer's primary love language is receiving gifts. It really communicates my love and commitment when I give him gifts. They don't have to be expensive, but he needs something tangible. Anyway, I scored a great big goose egg for that category because apparently, gifts from Spencer don't tell me that he loves me at all. This means, I have a new language to learn. I started today by finally giving him a birthday present... only 9 days late :( Hopefully I will get better about finding ways to give him gifts more often... things I can make for him, or something I can leave for him to find somewhere and surprise him. I really want to be a more loving wife to Spencer and I feel empowered to do this even more now that I've read this book. I would encourage all those who are in a committed relationship (and especially those who are married) to read this book and apply it. You will find out so much about your loved one and probably (if you are like me) a ton about yourself. What is your primary love language?