Life's a Happy Song

There is so much to write about that I'm not even sure what to write about. It's been far too long since I've written out my thoughts about anything and I miss it. I've been writing for work these days and it is the best job I've ever had. I love it and I love the flexibility of it. But at the end of the day, I'm writing what other people want me to write. I'm not creating anything of my own and I've noticed that writing in general has become a bit stale for me as a result. I miss the magic that the written word once held for me. I miss the challenge to express things in just the right way as to paint a picture, create a feeling or bring a smile. I often dream of writing a book. A fiction novel about life and endurance through difficulties. I imagine my main character and her quirks and beliefs and weaknesses are a lot like my own. But I can never imagine a proper plot. I'm not clever enough to invent something that would be entertaining and keep a reader on their toes, but also boldly declare that the power to choose what is right over what is easy will always lead a person to happiness. I'm often too forthright and lack the clever subtleties that I admire in authors whose works I enjoy. I fear that if I ever did endeavor to write a fiction book that this would destroy the intrigue or suspense and ultimately destroy my plot. At this point, I continuously tell myself that it is not the season of my life to spend time on writing a book of this nature. And I'm right, but when will it be that season? It will probably never be a priority in my life...other things will always be more pressing. I imagine that in time I will decide whether it is truly important to me or not.
As for now, life pretty much revolves around blending a family. Heavens, that sounds like I'm making a smoothie or something. I wish it were that easy (although I've never actually been great at making smoothies). Without being a "Negative Nancy," I have to say that all the ins and outs of split parenting and blended families is quite exhausting. We try really hard to always put our family first and as a couple, many of our conversations center on what we can do to build lasting memories and bonds and how we can properly address the needs of each specific child. It is difficult to know what those needs are. It is especially difficult as parents to try to assess needs in a child that we have had relatively little experience with. Throw in different standards and expectations from their other houses and it's a recipe for some pretty frustrating and stressful situations for both parent and child. In many cases we end up having to be the "mean parent" for our kids. I sometimes fear that our children will not appreciate the correction, council and responsibility that we give to them here and that they will distance themselves. All that being said, I know that it is worth it to give our kids the chance to grow up and be happy, responsible and balanced adults. I know that at some point, each of our kids will choose for themselves who they want to become. I am sure that there will be times of great heartache as their parents as they choose paths that will cause them or others pain. We will always love them enough to be honest with them and to give correction where correction is needed.

Being a big mixed family is not all gloom and doom, however. Far from. Most of the time Nathan and I are on the same parenting page and the kids get along quite well.  We are able to do a lot of enjoyable things together. Family Home Evening has been a favorite and I love seeing how everyone comes together with excitement to spend a couple hours together.  It's so fun to watch all the kids blossom in confidence as they get to contribute in important ways. Another great thing is that when you only have every other weekend as an entire group, time becomes more valuable. Our weekends with kids are very family oriented and we usually have something fun planned...not usually expensive things, just simple things we can all do together.
Last weekend we decided that it was either now or never (this season) to go see some snow. It was pretty patchy when we got up there, but it was awesome. Seeing all our kids with their distinct personalities enjoying a change of scene was great. It just worked. I made sure to get video footage because we really want more records of these fun things we do. I remember watching home movies together while I grew up and I remember it being a binding "glue" for us kids...reminiscing about funny things and making fun of our younger selves. I hope that our kids will eventually build those kinds of bonds.

On weekends that we don't have kids, Nathan and I have made it a goal to have a lot of adventures together. Whether it's spending the day doing service or work together, going to the temple, shopping together, or taking a quick trip to see a bunch of donkeys, we have so much fun together. These times help us reconnect as needed and building enjoyable memories with each other. We probably should be more social and plan things with other people, but I'm also glad that we take the time to just be together and hang out as best friends. In the words of the Muppets, "Life's a happy song..."